


It's the Most Killumi Time of the Year

by tittysatan



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-25
Updated: 2018-02-13
Packaged: 2019-03-18 02:36:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13672488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tittysatan/pseuds/tittysatan
Summary: Holiday themed fics with the two most dysfunctional Zoldyck brothers. They vary wildly in tone and content, so please read the chapter summaries for some idea of what they're actually about.





	1. All I Want For Christmas Is You (and Cake)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Illumi and his baby brother spend Christmas Eve together.
> 
> FEATURING: detailed descriptions of cake decoration, wholesome sibling activities, lots of fluff.

“Illu-nii? What’re you doing?”

Illumi started at the voice, turning to see his little brother standing in the kitchen doorway, rubbing his eyes sleepily. “Oh, Kil. What are you doing up so late? You should be sleeping.”

“…I was hungry,” the child said sheepishly, moving closer and standing on tiptoe to try and get a look at the counter. “Are you baking something? What are you making?”

“It was supposed to be a surprise,” Illumi said, picking Killua up and sitting him on his arm. “You like sweets, so I thought I’d make you a cake for Christmas.”

“Wow, really!?” Killua’s face lit up like a string of lights. “You’re the best, Illu-nii! Hey, what kind of cake? It looks fancy!”

Sure enough, the whole kitchen counter was covered in ingredients, cooling cakes, bowls of icing, pans of meringues, the sink piled high with dirty dishes. “It’s called a bouche noel,” Illumi explained, showing Killua the recipe. “It’s supposed to look like a yule log.”

“Oh wow, that _is_ fancy… You can really make something like that? That’s amazing!”

“It’s nothing special, just following the recipe,” Illumi demurred. “I already made all the parts, so I just need to put it together now.”

“Have you been working on this all night?” Killua asked. “For me?”

“…I wanted to do something nice.”

“It’s super nice!” Killua threw his arms around his brother’s neck and hugged him tightly. “Thanks, Illu-nii!”

“It’s not even done yet…” Illumi said, a slight fond smile on his face as he sat Killua on the edge of the table. “You came down to get a snack, right? What did you want?”

“Chocorobo-kun!” the child said, kicking his legs excitedly.

“No sweets at night,” Illumi chided. “I’ll get you an apple.”

Killua pouted, crossing his arms. “Booo!”

“What if I cut it into rabbits?” Illumi asked, taking one out of the fridge.

The boy hesitated, mouth shifting in thought. “…that’d be alright.”

Illumi tousled his hair. “There we go.”

He began cutting up the apple with quick, precise strokes as Killua leaned forward, looking at the cake parts on the counter across from him. “Hey, what’re those white things?”

“Meringues,” Illumi replied. “The little ones get stuck to the big ones, so they look like mushrooms.”

“Wooow… What about the chocolate in that pan?”

“That’s going to get broken up to be the ‘tree bark.’”

Killua sat quietly for a moment, looking at the unassembled cake, as Illumi neatly cut ears into the sliced apple. “Hey, Illu-nii?” he finally said, turning to him with a serious expression.

“Hm?”

“This is a really cool cake.”

“I’m glad you like it,” the elder brother said, handing him a plate of cute apple rabbits. “Here you go.”

“Thank you!” Killua said, happily digging in.

Illumi sat down and watched his little brother eat, kicking his legs back and forth on the edge of the table. It was late, and Kil needed his sleep, but… Well, maybe they could make an exception, just for one night.

“Say, Kil, would you like to help put the cake together?”

Killua’s smile lit up the whole room. “Really!? Can I really!?”

“Yup. We’ll make it together,” Illumi said, smiling back just a little. “Just let me move everything over to the table…”

Killua stood on a chair, bouncing excitedly on his toes, as Illumi set things up. “Hm, let’s see… Let’s start with the mushrooms, since that’s the easiest part.” Illumi demonstrated as he spoke. “Just put a little icing on the top of the little one, and stick it to the big one like this.”

The younger brother followed along, frowning in concentration. “Like this?” he asked, holding out the finished mushroom.

“Yup, just like that,” Illumi said, tousling his hair. “You can do all the rest of those while I take care of the filling for the cake.”

“Okay!” Killua said, nodding cheerfully and turning back to the meringues. Illumi watched him out of the corner of his eye as he spread the chocolate cream on the sheet of roll cake. The younger brother was focusing intently on putting the mushrooms together just right, tongue sticking out just a little. Illumi thought he’d never seen anything so cute.

“There, all done!” Killua said, grinning proudly as he showed Illumi his handiwork. “I did a good job, right?”

“You did a great job,” Illumi said.

“What’s next?” he asked, leaning forward.

“Next, we roll up the cake,” Illumi said, placing it in front of them. “Be really gentle, so the icing doesn’t get squished out.” He moved behind Killua and reached over him, Killua’s hands on the middle of the cake and Illumi’s on the sides as they carefully rolled it up. “There, perfect. That’s going to be the main log.”

Killua frowned, looking at the picture on the recipe. “There’s a bit on the side though too, right? What’re we doing for that?”

“We just go like this…” Illumi said, slicing one end of the roll diagonally, placing the piece cut-side against the roll, and cutting the end of the main roll level again. “And there.”

“…what’re you gonna do with that bit?” Killua asked, eyeing the leftover triangle of cake.

No desserts at night, but… Well, it was Christmas. “It’s a reward for being such a good helper,” Illumi said, placing it in Killua’s outstretched hands.

“Thanks, Illu-nii!” he said, stuffing it messily into his mouth. “Mm, this is so good! You’re really good at this!”

“Thank you, but you’re getting icing everywhere,” Illumi sighed, pulling out a napkin.

Killua pouted sullenly as Illumi wiped his face. “You don’t have to treat me like a baby,” he muttered.

“I’ll stop wiping your face when you stop being such a messy eater,” Illumi said. “Now then, next up is the bark. You break the chocolate into pieces, and I’ll ice the cake, alright?”

“You got it!” Killua said, nodding happily and starting on the chocolate, occasionally slipping a piece into his mouth when he thought his brother wasn’t paying attention.

Of course Illumi _was_ paying attention, even as he smoothed on the icing, but he thought he’d let it slide. He couldn’t help but want to spoil his little brother, just a bit, just this once. “Is this good?” Killua asked, the pan in front of him full of chocolate shards.

“Yup, that should be just right,” Illumi said. “Now we stick them on so it’s covered as much as possible, like a puzzle.”

“Okay! I’m good at those!” Killua said, sticking on the bark as Illumi tidied up the table and readied the last few components of the cake.

_This is nice_ , Illumi thought, watching his brother pick up pieces of chocolate, rotate them thoughtfully, push them into place. _It’s been a while since we’ve done anything together other than training. I wish we could do stuff like this, normal sibling stuff, more often._

“There!” Killua said, snapping him out of his thoughts. “Done! It looks good, right?”

“It sure does,” Illumi said, tousling his hair. “I couldn’t have done it better myself.”

“What’s next?” the younger brother asked. “It’s almost done, right?”

“Yup. We just need to put on the mushrooms and berries, and dust over some powdered sugar.”

“Can I do it? Please? I did a good job on everything else, right?” Killua begged, tugging on his brother’s sleeve.

_Like anyone could say no to that._ “Of course you can,” Illumi said with a smile.

Mushrooms were planted, raspberries layered on mint leaves, a light snow of powdered sugar layered overtop, all under Illumi’s watchful eye. “All done!” Killua finally said with a nod, wiping his forehead. “We finished it!”

“We sure did,” Illumi said. “It looks great.”

It did; as good as the picture and better. It would be hard to believe it was made by amateurs, let alone a teenager and his baby brother.

“High-five!” Killua said, holding up a tiny hand.

_I have the cutest brother in the whole world_ , Illumi thought, gently clapping his hand to Killua’s.

“Now we get to eat it, right?” Killua asked, almost vibrating with excitement.

“Nope,” Illumi said. “It’s late and you need to get to bed. You can have some tomorrow.”

“What!? No!” Killua pouted, stamping his foot. “We just put in all that effort!”

Illumi firmly placed a cover over the cake. “None tonight. Now it’s time for bed.”

“I don’t wanna.”

Illumi thought for a moment. “Alright then, how about we stay up and wait for Santa?”

“Santa can’t get in here, he’d never get past the butlers!” Killua laughed.

“He can fly, you know? He’ll fly right past all of them and drop down the chimney. He’s stealthy like that.” He put his hands on his brother’s shoulders, staring seriously into his eyes. “We’re the only ones who can stop Santa from infiltrating the manor.”

“…we’ve gotta stop him,” Killua said, eyes wide. “Alright, what’s the plan?”

“The plan is, we go wait for him on the couch in front of the fireplace.”

“An ambush!”

“Exactly. Now let’s go.”

Cake forgotten, Killua rushed out of the kitchen towards the living room. Illumi took one last look at the mountains of dirty dishes, sighed, and made a mental note to make sure the butlers got a holiday bonus before turning out the lights and following Killua.

“Santa’s not gonna get past us,” Killua said, cuddled up under his brother’s arm, a blanket draped over them both. “I’m gonna stay up all night if I have to.”

Of course, a few minutes later he was fast asleep against Illumi’s chest.

“Merry Christmas, Kil,” Illumi whispered, kissing the top of his head, fluffy white hair ticklish against him. “I love you.”

He let himself drift off, secure in the knowledge that Killua was safe with him, leaned together in sleep until morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realized after writing this that the way I write tiny baby Kil is literally just Yotsuba.


	2. Be Mine, Valentine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Illumi takes Killua for a nice night out to a fancy restaurant. What's the worst that could happen?
> 
> FEATURING: cute couple things in a very non-cute context, mentions of coercive incest, secondhand embarrassment.

“I was thinking we could go out for dinner this Wednesday night,” Illumi said abruptly during training. “Or actually, I’ve already made the reservation.”

Killua blinked, Nen fizzling out in surprise. Illumi making plans without consulting him was nothing new, but taking him to dinner?  _ That _ was weird. And uncomfortably close to a date. He’d never taken him out on anything like a date before, and Killua did not welcome the change. “…why?” he asked, too perturbed even to consider the risk.

Illumi just shrugged. “I thought it might be nice. It’s a fancy restaurant, so you should wear your light-blue tuxedo. It looks good on you.”

Of course he’d say that, he was the one who got it for him. But considering all the other things Illumi had done to him, going out to a restaurant was hardly worth kicking up a fuss over. Even if it was really, really weird. “Sure thing,” he said with a shrug.

“Good,” Illumi said with a nod. “Be dressed and ready to go by seven.”

“Alright.” Sure, it was suspicious, but it couldn’t be anything  _ that _ bad, right?

…right?

 

Illumi was waiting outside Killua’s door when he opened it, dressed in a three-piece suit that even Killua had to admit looked great. “Hi, Kil. Ready to go?”

“Uh. Yeah.” No seriously, why had he been waiting there? Wouldn’t the entranceway have been enough?

The younger brother had started to walk past him when a sharp “Kil.” stopped him in his tracks. When he turned around, Illumi was holding his arm out in an unnatural position. Almost as if to have someone hold it…

Dear god, his brother wanted him on his arm. This really was a date.

But… He still hadn’t tried anything bad, and this wasn’t that big of a deal, right? Sure, it was uncomfortable, and way the hell more couple-like than he’d want, especially in public, but other than that… Killua could live with this. He guessed.

Swallowing his pride as he had so many times before, he wrapped his arm around Illumi’s. Like his date. He wanted to die.

“Alright, let’s go,” Illumi said in a tone bordering on sing-song, starting off towards the entranceway with Killua in tow. He was way too happy about this. When Illumi was happy, it usually meant bad news for his little brother.

They took the limo, of course. Killua didn’t know what else he’d expected. Gotoh opened the door for them, returning Killua’s confused and alarmed glance with one that practically screamed “I’m just a butler, don’t ask me.” He’d become very used to that look.

Illumi held his hand as they sat next to each other, fingers twined together, gazing at him with something resembling tenderness. Killua had no idea to react. Sure, this was definitely preferable to being pushed down onto his back on the seats and having those long, slender fingers slip into his waistband, but at least that he was used to. This was… Illumi was almost being nice to him. Killua hated that “not raping him” counted as “nice,” but that was the reality he lived in, and he had to take what he could get. So yes, nice.

He didn’t trust it. Playing happy couple was just too weird. He kept waiting and waiting for the other shoe to drop, but Illumi just kept toying gently with his hand, lifting it up once to softly kiss his knuckles. Killua wished he could trust it.

“You look handsome tonight,” Illumi said suddenly.

“Uh, thanks,” Killua replied. Illumi didn’t usually compliment him. It was probably just cause he’d dressed up the way Illumi wanted him too, like his cute little doll. He was still staring at him expectantly. “You, uh…you look good too,” Killua said, hating the way it made him blush. The worst part was that it wasn’t even a lie. If Illumi had been anyone else but his brother, he might even have found him attractive. Though he’d rather die than ever admit that to him.

Illumi didn’t smile (he never smiled when he was really happy) but his gazed softened in a way that probably no one but Killua could have noticed. He was really genuinely enjoying this. It was honestly kind of terrifying.

It was a long ride down the mountain and into town, and it was spent mostly in silence, Killua still expecting that any moment his brother would force himself on him. He didn’t. He didn’t even kiss him. It was something resembling a normal car ride, as least as far as Killua could imagine “normal.” Eventually, still half-convinced it was a mistake, he let himself relax, leaning back onto the seat. Illumi was tousling his hair. It was nice. Gentle and innocent and brotherly. He’d missed this so badly. Maybe this was his way of trying to make amends for everything.

Yeah, and maybe their mother would retire and become a nun.

But for the moment, Killua was going to enjoy it. That was how he’d survived this long, after all; latching on to any tiny bit of happiness he could find and holding on for dear life. If Illumi was going to treat him as anything other than his personal sex doll for a night, even for just a few hours, he’d take it gladly.

 

The limo finally drew to a halt and Gotoh opened the door, still evading Killua’s glances. Illumi climbed out and offered Killua a completely unnecessary hand, which he nonetheless had to accept, before once again being compelled to take his arm. Seriously, why a date.

The restaurant was incredibly fancy, even by the standards of a family as ridiculously wealthy as the Zoldycks. Lavish and sprawling and intimately lit, with soaring ceilings and chandeliers that looked like real crystal. The smell of food was mouthwatering. For a moment, Killua was so impressed he even forgot to be confused.

“Illumi, party of two,” his brother murmured to the maître-d’ before they were escorted to what was clearly the best seat in the house, in front of a massive picture window looking out over the city lights. More than a few diners shot glances at them and whispered as they passed. And it looked like just about everyone else there was couples…

Oh no.

“Illumi, what’s today’s date?” Killua asked as the maître-d’ left, horror rising in his gut.

“The fourteenth,” Illumi replied, not looking up from the wine list.

“…as in, Valentine’s Day.”

“That’s right.”

Okay. This was so much worse than he’d thought. Not only was his brother taking him on a date, it was to a romantic restaurant, on Valentine’s Day. Every alarm bell in Killua’s head was screaming. No wonder they were getting weird looks; even if they didn’t look related, it still looked like Illumi was taking his underage boytoy for a nice night out. Which was uncomfortably close to the truth. God. How could someone be so completely devoid of any sense of normalcy as to think this was okay!? He wanted to sink into the tastefully carpeted floor and die.

And of course Illumi didn’t even seem to notice. He just flagged down a waitress, ordered a bottle of wine, and leaned back to look at Killua with that same disconcertingly gentle expression. “What do you think of this place?” he asked.

“…it looks nice,” Killua replied vaguely, glancing around. There were still people staring. “Have you been here before?”

“Once or twice.” His gaze softened in a way that might have meant a blush on anyone else. “I wanted to come here with you.”

Yeah, this was…unsettling, to say the least. “…thanks,” he said, in lieu of anything else to say and desperate to fill the silence.

Illumi just nodded once.

Killua stared out the window and tried to get his thoughts in order. If you looked at it logically, this was actually really good. His brother was taking him to a nice restaurant, in public, which meant he couldn’t try anything. Much better than taking him up to his room and, well, taking him. He’d kept his hands to himself, more or less. It wasn’t bad at all.

He just couldn’t help but be suspicious.

The wine arrived, and Illumi took a sip. “Mm, not bad. Do you want to try, Kil?”

Usually, giving alcohol to a minor would be a problem, but it’s not like it affected Killua anyways. “Sure, I guess.” He’d never tried it before and he was a little curious. Illumi passed the glass over, and he stared at the faint imprint of his lips on the rim for a moment before very deliberately taking a sip from the other side and immediately grimacing. “Okay, wow, gross?” It was sour and vinegary, one of the more disgusting things he could remember tasting. Who would drink this stuff willingly? Especially if they couldn’t even get drunk off of it.

Illumi laughed softly as he took back his glass. “It’s an acquired taste. You’ll learn to appreciate it when you’re older.” Eyes still on Killua’s, he took another sip, lips right over the place Killua’s had touched.

“…stop saying I’ll learn to like things,” he muttered under his breath. He’d had the man’s cock in his mouth, there was no reason an indirect kiss should make him blush like this, and yet here he was. It was so…so  _ romantic _ , and teasing, and sensual, and everything that had never been present in their relationship before, and it was just _wrong_. Yeah, sex was awful, but at least he knew how to deal with it. He had no idea what to make of this.

Thankfully, the food arrived then, giving Killua an excuse not to look at his brother. It was filet mignon, ridiculously fancy and ridiculously good, and he was very happily occupied stuffing his face until Illumi spoke.

“Are you going to leave those?” he asked, gesturing with his fork at the red bell peppers pushed to the side of Killua’s plate.

Of course. He’d been hoping Illumi would keep up his pattern of being uncharacteristically nice and let it slide, but no such luck. “I was kinda hoping to, yeah,” he said, just a little sullenly.

Illumi sighed softly. “It’s not good to have likes and dislikes,” he chided. “I’ll eat them for you. Just tonight, though.”

“Wait, really!?” Looks like tonight really wasn’t that bad! Killua was starting to think he liked this new version of his brother after all. “Thanks, Illu-nii!”

He just nodded once and leaned forward over the table. “Go ahead.”

It took a moment before Killua caught on. Oh. Yeah, of course he’d wanna do something like that. In public, where everyone could see them. Seriously, how did this feel so much more indecent than anything sexual!? But the alternative was eating the peppers himself, so… He stuck one on his fork and held it out to his brother.

Illumi opened his mouth and let Killua feed it to him, chewing as he withdrew the fork. “They’re delicious. I don’t know why you don’t like them.”

People were staring again. This would be embarrassing enough in private, but in front of people, it was like some new kind of torture. He fed Illumi another pepper and wished he was dead.

He let out a sigh of relief after the last pepper had been eaten. The ordeal was finally over,  _ and _ he didn’t have to eat them himself. In retrospect, it hadn’t been that bad at all.

“Your turn,” Illumi said, and Killua regretted thinking that so soon. His brother was holding out a piece of broccoli to him. “You have to have some other vegetables to make up for those.”

Yeah, he should’ve seen that coming. Well, he’d already humiliated himself enough, what was a little more. He opened his mouth and let Illumi feed him. The worst part was definitely how happy he looked to be doing it. Hell, he probably  _ loved _ that everyone was looking; just another way to show off his cute little doll. Whatever he’d done in his past life to deserve being born into this mess, it must’ve been pretty bad.

Killua almost didn’t dare to be relieved when Illumi returned to his own food. He felt like everyone else in the restaurant was staring and whispering. He really, really wished he couldn’t imagine the sorts of things they were saying. Hopefully no one would be stupid enough to try something like calling Child Protective Services. Illumi would  _ not _ take kindly to that. Something similar had happened once, at a hotel, and the body count had been in the dozens. So he just turned back to his food and tried very, very hard to act normal. He didn’t think he was succeeding. In his defense, the circumstances didn’t make it easy.

When they’d both finished eating and the plates had been taken away, the brothers were left sitting across from each other with nothing left as a distraction. “So…” Killua started, before deciding it was probably better not to ask any questions.

“I have a surprise for you, Kil,” Illumi said, and his entire body tensed. Illumi’s last “surprise” for him had been rope bondage. Killua was not a fan of Illumi’s “surprises.”

“W-what is it…?” he asked, terrified to hear the answer but even more terrified of the empty silence.

“You’ll see.”

Well, that was ominous. They were still in public, so it couldn’t be anything  _ that _ bad, right? Unless Illumi had decided he wanted to give exhibitionism a shot… But no, he wasn’t making any moves, so it had to be something else. Killua could feel his pulse pounding in his ears. Nothing was worse than not knowing, being unable to do anything but wait.

And then a waiter approached, and Killua gasped, eyes lighting up. Cake. It was a beautiful, absolutely delicious looking chocolate cake. When it was placed in front of him, he was frozen for a moment, unable to do anything but blink, before looking up at Illumi.

“Surprise.”

He could’ve cried with relief.

“Thank you, Illu-nii!” Killua said, picking up his fork and digging in. “Mmm, this is so good! I love it! This was a really good surprise!” He’d never tasted anything so delicious in his life.

“I thought you’d like it,” Illumi said, sipping a black coffee and watching him happily. “This place is famous for their desserts.”

“I can see why!” he said, not caring about the icing that was getting on his face. Maybe he’d misjudged Illumi. Maybe he really just did want to take him for a nice night out and treat him to some amazing cake! He just didn’t have a good sense of what was or wasn’t normal to do in public, that was all. If you thought about it that way, he’d actually been really considerate all this evening! Killua was even starting to feel a little bad for being so paranoid.

“Thanks so much, Illu-nii,” he said as he polished off the last of the cake, leaning back in his chair, absolutely stuffed. “Tonight’s been really nice!”

“I’m glad to hear it,” Illumi replied. “I love you, Kil.”

“Yeah, I love you too,” Killua said with a smile. For once there was some real feeling behind it, not just empty words driven by fear. He felt, for the first time he could remember, like maybe he’d gotten his brother back.

“There’s something I’ve been wanting to ask you,” Illumi said.

“Oh? What is it?”

Killua watched in confusion as his brother pushed back his chair, stood, and took a knee in front of him. No. No, he couldn’t, not even Illumi would… But sure enough, he pulled a little velvet box from his pocket. The expensive wood of the chair cracked under Killua’s grip.

“Will you marry me, Kil?” Illumi asked, opening the box to reveal a ring with a massive blue diamond, encircled by smaller white ones. Idiotically, pointlessly, Killua wondered how much it must have cost.

“…does…does the family know about this…?” he asked, unable to ignore the stares. No one was even trying to hide it anymore. How could you blame them, a grown man just proposed to a child right in front of their eyes!

“I was thinking we could tell them together,” Illumi said, almost bashfully.

Dear god. He  _ actually thought Killua was going to say yes _ .

Killua didn’t know what to do anymore. Never, not even at his most paranoid, had he imagined Illumi might be insane enough to want to marry his own younger brother, and yet here he was, down on one knee in front of him. This was an absolute nightmare.

“Kil… Your answer?” Illumi prompted.

And Killua bolted, smashing through the picture window and running off as fast as his legs could carry him, a cry of “Kil, wait!” echoing behind him as he went.

Illumi was left behind in the restaurant, one hand outstretched towards the shattered glass, alone and heartbroken. He’d wanted so badly for tonight to be perfect. He turned with a heavy sigh, tucking away the ring, and flung a handful of needles to kill everyone else present as he headed for the door. So much for Valentine’s Day.


End file.
